Tag Archives: farewell virus

V: The Vessel & Viral Valedictory

A to Z Challenge: My theme this year is NYC before and during the COVID-19 pandemic.

THE VESSEL: Comprised of 154 interconnecting flights of stairs, the Vessel is one of the latest additions to Manhattan’s highfalutin $25 billion (yes, you read that right) Hudson Yards neighborhood. The spiral staircase consists of 2,500 steps, 80 landings, and is an interactive art piece by Thomas Heatherwick. You must get a ticket to ride climb the steps and are issued on a first come, first served basis, so the lines can get pretty long, but apparently, the views are spectacular. We haven’t actually attempted the trek up yet and frankly, we’d be fine we don’t.

View from below

The “comically-oversized pine cone,” as it’s been called by critics, isn’t without controversy. I’m not sure what the latest is, but originally, your free ticket came with the fine print caveat that simply visiting the $150 million stairclimber granted the Vessel the rights to use all of your Vessel content in perpetuity and for commercial uses. After receiving some harsh feedback, they amended their policy to state people still retain “ownership” of their social media posts, and the Vessel only wants to “amplify and re-share” the photos. Regardless, lawyers still found some troubling clauses in the Vessel’s Terms & Conditions such as “voluntarily giving up substantial legal rights,” and some questionable legality of searching a person’s body and belongings. Anywho . . . the Vessel folks are looking to rename the structure and are asking for the public to offer their two cents. Any ideas?

VIRAL VALEDICTORY: Originally, I vowed to vehemently veer from viral virulence, but a voluminous, verbose verse of Vs fought vainly to be voiced, hence, a Viral Valedictory.

Bon voyage, virus! Vamoose! Our vigilant vacations and vacated ventures will be a valiant victory over your villainous violation. With vigor and vitality, virologists wielding vials of vaccines will vanquish your violent invasion validating our vital and voracious vision for your eviction. (Take with you, the valueless, vindictive village vermin ventriloquized by the vulturous GOP near Virginia, and whose vicious and vexing vitriol is a verifiable vat of verbal vomit.)

To everyone else: Vindication, via your versatileness, videoconferencing, vegging out, and vigilant volunteering for the vulnerable victims and vendors is vicinal. Levitate the vibrations with vivacious voodoo vibes and vocal invocation and vaporize this vulgar virus into oblivion. Be vainglorious, as our viable viceroyship is inevitable.    

Voila!